A Winter Martini and a WASP Garland
One of my mother’s most favorite stories to tell about me is that, the year she and my biological father separated, I burst into tears when decorating the Christmas tree.
“It has to be JUST like last year,” I allegedly wailed. I have no recollection of this event whatsoever. Suffice it to say, I love holiday traditions.
You know what this means, right? It means I was doomed to marry someone who not only didn’t care that much about holiday traditions but didn’t even care about holidays at all. In some ways, this was to his advantage, I guess; he has never had a disappointing Christmas or weird Passover. Well, I guess he’s never had a Passover at all, since he is not Jewish.* I spent most of our long relationship trying in vain to get him to find a tradition, any tradition, that he liked but always came up short. I spent our first married Christmas sobbing on the floor of our apartment because he wouldn’t “play Christmas” with me. I am, yes, an absolute child, but it brings me both peace and joy to have something to look forward to every year at Halloween, New Year’s Day, Easter, Rosh Hashanah, and Arbor Day. Not having that in a time of so much change made me feel unmoored, and he didn’t really understand why.
My life as I knew it came apart at the seams two days after Christmas last year. For this reason, the festive season is particularly sad and sensitive to me this year. I did a pretty good job of separating our things when I moved out in July, but I didn’t have time or wherewithal to do the holiday décor. I also realized, belatedly, that I had left the artificial Christmas tree with him. This Christmas was going to be a lot of things, but “just like last year” it was not.
As we closed up the shop before Thanksgiving, my mom informed me we had an errand to run, then she took me to a very small Christmas tree vendor. I had never set foot on a Christmas tree lot. They smell amazing! It’s like being in a forest! Did you know a tree is $90? They’re so expensive! I admired a very pretty tree, then told her it was out of budget** but she had already paid the (very handsome) Christmas tree guy. Did you know you can ask them to tie it to your car for you? They will! I was basically the heroine of a Hallmark Christmas movie.
But now I was going to have to sort out the Christmas ornaments. The ones I got him, the ones people gave us to mark occasions, the ones that were wedding gifts. I laid his aside, even though I knew he probably didn’t even notice they were gone. I was feeling extremely sorry for myself, and I sat on the floor of my apartment and cried that now there was no one to play Christmas with me at all. I guess some things become tradition whether you want them to be or not.
After I calmed down, I resolved to invite people over to decorate my Christmas tree with me. It could be a new thing! I found a recipe for a winter vodka in my Nigella Christmas book(!!! more on this later) and planned a very small party. I am well known to be a dark liquor drinker, but this soiree was going to be about trying new things, so I also acquired the trappings for martinis.
One of our number instructed me to buy lemons, cranberries, and plain popcorn. I called my mom to tell her about my weird grocery list, to which she responded. “Oh god, that’s for a garland.” Do what now? “That’s some WASP shit.”
Apparently, WASPs do this every year. Instructions to follow.
I tinkered with the recipe Nigella suggested, as I am an old hand at making my own liqueurs and infusions. Mostly, I wanted something a little more complex and slightly more visually refined. All the measurements I include below were measured in the palm of my hand; just do your best. It’s incredibly forgiving. I had also decided to make Eve, which is a bottle of dry vermouth infused with sliced apples. The result? Well, you be the judge.
I respect so much that Christmas trees, much like the moon, refuse to reflect their beauty via a photograph. Trust me, it is lovely.
My tree is really, really beautiful. The WASP garland is extremely meditative to make. Martinis are not necessarily completely disgusting. Having a real tree is amazing. I didn’t really miss the ornaments we had, and my friends didn’t know to look for them, which helped diminish their power. I certainly didn’t miss decorating alone. This wasn’t the Christmas I had before, but so far, I really like it. Maybe winter martinis and WASP garlands around a fresh tree are my own traditions, starting right now.
*Now is a good time to say that I am, yes, a pizza-bagel. More accurately, I’m like a shepherds pie-bagel, as I am not Italian. I’m trying to explain that I’m from a Christmas and Hanukkah family. It’s a good thing I love every holiday because I have twice as many as most people.
** A reminder: I backburnered my career to support my former husband’s, and it’s a pandemic, and I remain unemployed, which is truly shocking to me when I read the ad copy in promotional emails. I mean, really! How are these people employed and I am not? If you think I am a good writer, hire me. I am very nice to work with and work well both alone and as part of a team.
Winter Spice Vodka
adapted from Nigella Christmas
Ingredients:
1 teaspoon whole coriander seeds
5 green cardamom pods, gently bruised
1/2 teaspoon cumin seed
1 small cinnamon stick
1 small dried red chili (do take care to get a mild one; it’ll take over if you get one that is too hot)
1 two-inch strip of Meyer lemon (or regular lemon if Meyer aren’t available)
1/2 of a whole nutmeg (I just chopped off a big ole chunk)
`1 inch slice of peeled ginger
1 teaspoon caraway seeds
2 cups(ish) inexpensive vodka
To Do:
Put all this into a one-pint mason jar. Seal the jar. Let it infuse for a few days.
When it smells really fragrant and festive, get a funnel and a paper coffee filter. Wet the filter, then line the funnel with it. Strain the infused vodka into an attractive-enough vessel.
Eve Vermouth
adapted from Audrey Saunders’ via the Washington Post
Ingredients:
one 750mL bottle dry vermouth
5 to 7 gala apples
To Do:
Core the apples, then slice thinly. Throw those into a big bowl. Pour the vermouth on top of it, then cover the bowl with Saran wrap. Put the bowl in the fridge.
Once or twice a day for five or six days, agitate the bowl a little to move the apples around. At the end of the week, drain the vermouth back into the bottle via a funnel. You don’t need to use a filter unless you just want to.
This keeps about three weeks in the fridge.
Winter Martinis
Make a two-to-one martini with the winter vodka and Eve vermouth in a cocktail glass and strain into whatever glass seems right for you. I’m a klutz and martini glasses make me anxious. Do what feels right. You’re the boss.
WASP Garland
adapted from IDK, Eton schoolboys? Episcopal day schools? A John Cheever anthology?
Ingredients:
three lemons
Angostura bitters
one bag fresh cranberries
two cups of plain, unsalted popcorn
To Do:
About four or five days before you want to make your garland, slice your lemons into very thin rounds. Lay them flat on a plate, then douse them with Angostura bitters. All WASP households stock this, in addition to gin and resentment. Lay these aside to dry out a little bit.
Get a large gauge needle and some dental floss. Thread your needle, then put a really fat triple knot at the end. Pierce a cranberry. Follow with popcorn (I like to seek the fattest part of the popped kernel to give it a little more stability). Follow with another cranberry. Then, thread the floss across the long side of the dry-ish lemon round. Add a cranberry, rinse, repeat. This goes pretty fast and then you can festoon your tree with it. If you, like me, have dogs, I recommend decking only the upper boughs with WASP garland.